When all the people were being baptized, Jesus was baptized too. And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased."
Luke 3:21-22
I have been baptized twice in my life. We used to have revivals at a hotel ballroom and would follow the service with baptisms in the indoor pool.
I don't remember much about my baptism, other than my nerves being on edge.
I'm a die hard nose-holder and was worried about other people being in control of dunking me and getting me up in time or interfering with my nose-holding and my lungs flooding with chlorinated water.
I understood that baptism was the "next step." That it was an outward expression of the inward changes.
You go down a sinner, dead in your flesh.
You rise out of the water, alive and resurrected.
As a child, it was something I did.
Recently I was baptized again [Like 10 days ago]. I have joined a new ministry and have experience some amazing growth and freedoms that I wanted to do it again. I wanted to do an outward expression of the inward changes.
BUT this time I wanted to be baptized with expectation.
My request: God, please change my name! You turned Abram to Abraham. You changed Jacob to Israel. You changed Saul to Paul.
I wanted my name to change. I wanted to come up a new person. Solidly in their purpose and walking steadfast. I wanted the same.
Even before I entered the water, the Holy Spirit had me in tears. God's presence was thick and His love was overwhelming.
Excitement shook me as I went down. I don't remember anything between entering the water and then raising. It is all void and darkness in my memory. I didn't experience any emotion or thoughts, I guess it really was like death.
Then once I had risen, God descended. I remember my Pastor saying to now receive it and a force hit my stomach. Nothing literally hit me, but my gut felt the pressure of His presence and then forgiveness flooded.
Forgiveness for myself. For all the mistakes I had made. For all the fights I had instigated against God. Forgiveness for my pride and my own unforgiveness.
October 28, 2012 is a day that will make an amazing transformation.
A day that forgiveness was no longer something I had to convince myself of, but something I walked in. Fourteen years of lacking this revelation lead to so much frustration.
It shouldn't be that easy. I shouldn't just feel sorrow and repent and then be done. There should be a spanking or grounding. There should be lightening and thunder. There should at least be a scolding tone.
What kind of punishment is love and affection? How am I to believe that you have forgiven me when you shine your favor rather than your wrath?
In that moment, my intellect was finally silenced as I truly accepted that I am His. I am continually forgiven. His mercies are made new every morning!
Finally I understand: I AM FORGIVEN!
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